My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
