today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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