i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
