i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
