I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
