i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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