he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
