is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
