we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
