you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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