I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
