38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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