Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
