So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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