I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
