ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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