I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
