He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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