Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING