I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.