I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.