How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
