I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
