He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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