Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
