i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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