you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
