i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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