I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
please come you make the beer taste better
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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