My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize