I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
