Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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