if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
