I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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