i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
