We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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