i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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