We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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