This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found your dick twin last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
