I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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