the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
