it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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