I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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