Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize