everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
