Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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