It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
