I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
