It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
