new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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