you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
