It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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