so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
