I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
