I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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