the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
