Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
