I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
