how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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