His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
