ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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