should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
