He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
