i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
