He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
