My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
