i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
