apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
