Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
