Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
