i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
