What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
