I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My vagina is very pro this idea
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
