guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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